30 November 2023
4 minute read
When old emotional wounds and traumas are triggered, by real or imagined threats, we naturally dive into defensive action and move away from a calm nervous system, to a fight or flight agitated state of being. In this state, we can be overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, fear, or grief.
Since many of us have never experienced true acceptance and compassion around these emotio, either as a child or adult, we have never learned how to properly process them. How to sit with these feelings and be ok with ourselves in spite of them. We protect ourselves from the uncomfortable feelings and the reactions of others. It is a lonely experience as we shut ourselves off from others and ourselves. We do the best we can and try to block or limit the feelings in some way. Sadly, blocked feelings always find a way to express themselves, either in outbursts or illness. This often leads to more suffering and misery as relationships become strained or health declines.
The pathway out of this begins with awareness. After a lifetime of ignoring feelings, we need to start noticing them again and becoming aware of how they show up in the body. We need to start to notice our inner world as they show up throughout our day to day situations. Then we need to learn how to let them go. This might seem bewildering at first, but emotions travel through your body to naturally free themselves if they aren’t blocked or held in some way. An emotion only lasts around 90 seconds if it isn’t added to with other thoughts or feelings.
Try this experiment….
Read this through first then give it a try.
Take a few slow deep breaths and become aware of your body as you do. Allow yourself to bring up a situation that creates an uncomfortable emotion. Go for something mild at first to test it out. It could be a goal you want to achieve but can’t get the courage to go for it, or a heated conversation with someone that left you feeling irritated or guilty. Whatever it is, close your eyes and immerse yourself in the situation. Hear the things you are telling yourself or others. Noticing the feelings that get stirred. See where they appear in your body. Become aware of the sensations and the intensity. Now just watch these feelings as you tell yourself “I am not this feeling, I am just curious about what it’s doing” As you become the watcher, you detach from identifying with the feeling. You no longer are angry, you have anger. That shift is important. It allows space for the emotion to travel through you without you reacting to it.
Now stay curious and watch and see what happens. The sensations will be unique to you.
Ideally, we would have learned this as children, modeling compassion and acceptance. Fortunately, we can learn new ways of dealing with these feelings. There are many modalities out there to help with this, including meditation, EFT, breathwork and yoga. These techniques offer us a way to be with these feelings in a spacious compassionate way. As we learn that it is safe to sit with the feelings and let them go, our capacity to experience feelings grows, we gain mental resources and spend more time enjoying the super healing quality of a nervous system that is settled in rest and restore, not in fight or flight.
In the ten years of doing this work, I have narrowed down three techniques that I use to help release the emotion from where it’s being held and set it free. I use techniques borrowed from The Sedona Method, Ho’Oponopono, and Focusing. Ultimately these modalities are just vehicles to allow us to become aware of, sit with and let go of the charged emotions that often bring suffering. If the emotions within you are overwhelming, I would suggest finding a method that resonates with you and practice letting it go to uncover the peace that exists beneath the suffering.
I wish you peace beyond understanding.
Paul
